Hello.

Wonder what PST stands for. Oh well. Need to do English coursework, but the school network appears to have died as I can't get onto it. Humph. Of course, today had to be the day I forgot to take my pen drive again. Nearly wound up crying too in English. Still, I'm alive.

Filled my bookcases (again)

My mum and dad went out to the Sue Ryder place kind of near us, kind of in the countryside, which has loads of nice, gentle walks. They got me a bunch of books, to add to the eight I got from WHSmiths the other day, one of which I've now read--it was fab and so now I want to go to the library and get the sequal out, but that won't be happening any time soon. My mum really doesn't look to well. She just called me in, and said that she spoke to Mrs Kosniki (no idea how to actually spell her name) and that I'll be able to get counselling at school if I want it. May try and do that. I just want someone to listen who doesn't know me and so won't judge me and say 'oh you'll be fine, your mum'll be fine, you need to concentrate on your studies'. Just been doing RE homework on prejudice. Hmm, swear people have prejudices about me, like 'oh, she's clever, we can mock her, she'll always do well at stuff, she should get good marks in everything'. I hate that. Just leave me a little margin of error, and I'll be fine I guess. I'll stop ranting now and go off and do some writing.

Happy now

RE with Mr Petts always makes me happy. So I'm happy now. And I'm at home, which is a plus, and I managed not to burst into tears right at the start of RE, before Mr Petts had made me laugh and grin. He's got talant that man. I can never, ever leave his lesson in a bad mood if he's there.

My whole world feels like it's falling apart.

Yeh. The conference on Monday was really good. I'll talk more about it when I feel like it. Right now though, I just feel like crying.
Until about a year ago, my life was pretty great, on the up and up. I was starting my GCSEs, I wasn't in the same classes as the people who used to bully me, and I didn't have to do Geography any more.
Then my dad started acting a bit wierd. Didn't think anything of it. People kept coming round to pray with him, but I pretty much had no idea what was going on until he stopped going to work. He was really strange for a while, kind of distant and sometimes he didn't have a clue what was going on. Turns out he was suffering from stress and depression or whatever you want to call it. Anyway, things that he did around the house--mending stuff for example--wasn't really getting done, he was acting strange, it was sometimes hard to be with him, but it never really affected me all that much. He travelled a lot, so I was used to him not being there, but it felt strange to have a dad who was there in presence but not really there in mind. Anyway, he was off for all of the summer and he's back at work now doing half days and still not right.
And then just recently my mum's not been feeling well, down to hormones and the menopause and all that lark. She was supposed to be going in yesterday to have a camera in her just to check, and then they were going to stick hormones in her so she'd be all right. The camera was just routine, nothing to worry about. It got moved to Monday when I was in London with my dad--he took me down and picked me up from the place, but he didn't stay with me. I found out yesterday morning when I was absolutely shattered to start with that the doctors had found something in her that shouldn't be there, and that she was going in for more tests this Thursday. Last night, I found out it's a tumour, and they're probably going to have to operate, and I can't believe it's happening to her. She's not even 50 until May, she's not that old. Surely she isn't old enough to have cancer. She told me that if she has the operation, she'll be not right for about three months.
How on earth are we supposed to cope without her for three months? It's not like we're a single parent family, my parents have a really strong marriage, but my dad's still not quite right, still only doing half days but he's going back to full ones soon. Anyway, he's great and all, but he doesn't really have much of a clue when it comes to all the domesticy stuff, my mum's always taken care of that. He can cook a bit, but he doesn't really know everything if that makes sense. he doesn't know how much to make, doesn't know whose stuff is whose, doesn't know who eats what. I'm trying to help out as best I can, but things aren't helped with this being the last few months before the exams and me having loads of coursework and whatever.
I just want someone I can talk to, but I don't know who. I don't want to tell my friends, they'll probably think I'm attention seeking or whatever, and I can hardly go to my mum 'oh yeh, you're not well, and it's really bugging me and I don't have a clue what I'm doing', and it's the same with my dad. If Mr D were here today to do communion (he's been off for a while and there was no one in the RE room so I figured it wasn't on), I'd have confided in him I guess, but I don't know. There's supposed to be some kind of counselling thing, but I don't want people to know, I just want to keep it quiet and stay pretty much the same as ever and not be suspected of anything wrong.
I feel like crying, people were just sort of talking and kind of semi having a go at me and normally I'd just be like yeh whatever, especially cos it was only Dolly, but I just feel like I might burst into tears all of a sudden and I don't want anyone here to see. Maybe the school library at dinner wasn't the best place to choose to update my blog with all of this stuff, all the stuff going wrong, but if I can't talk, this is the next best thing.

The park, glue, and a strange dragon.

Went to town this morning, got a set of eight books from WHSmiths, plus my amazon order arrived this morning, so I got Six Sacred Stones. I have never read a book with such a huge cliff hanger at the end, it being a literal cliff hanger, with him falling into an abyss, with a hostile force led by a father who tried to kill him at the top of the cliff and a suicidal Japanese terrorist falling with him.
This afternoon, went to Withy Trees new park with my brother. Would you believe that for all the amazing equipment they have, they don't actually have monkey bars? Humph, I say. Oh well. And then I hurt my ankle by squashing it under the see saw and when I bent down to check I wasn't about to die, James clonked me on the head with it. Never mind. They had a few pretty cool spinny things that you hang off and stuff, and a climbing wall which I couldn't do and a big rope climbing thing which I couldn't work out how to get on top of, although it was maybe a good thing seeing as I'm scared of heights. Random poles too, and I Have no idea what they were supposed to be for.
The glue is from me making part of a model airplane and nearly asphyxiating myself with the fumes. They smell nice though. I like the smell. And the smell of model paint.
As for the strange dragon. Well. This dragon was wierd enough on the first draft in my notebook written last night when I was shattered, just walking off after watching Tatharn kill her children, but now, now, she's asked to join his expedition thing, because she's curious about centaurs and Tuatha (kind of like people and the dominant species in my fantasy novel). Don't even ask what she's up to, because I really don't have a clue.

Survived

I survived my French vocab test, got 11 out of 15, which isn't amazing, but it was a pass mark, so there you go. And because I missed half of physics, the remainder didn't kill me off, although it has to be said, it nearly did. Plus, Mrs Farrell wasn't here, and no substitute teacher showed up, so I read for pretty much the whole lesson, which was good. Played Cheat at lunch again, came second again. I'm not too bad at it considering I only learned it about a week or so ago. It's fun. I may post some of my story up here soon, but I'm not sure. We shall see. Maybe the final, final editted version (or what I hope will be that), but who knows.

School and stuff.

Yeh. Need to make Hazel's present. It's not finished, and I ought to give it her tomorrow probably, but I don't think she'd mind too much if she only got it Tuesday, which I think is probably going to happen. Oh well.
Missing double physics tomorrow, yes!!! Hate physics. Going to a newspaper meeting instead. Have a French test, hate French. She never tells us what words to learn, just says learn the vocab for whatever, and then I have to try and guess which words might be included. I have a list of 35 sat in front of me, and knowing my luck, she'll pick ones that aren't even on my list. Humph. Oh well. It's only French. I don't intend ever using it. I just hope I don't have to do a retest. I'm sick of that. And everyone'll laugh if I don't get a good mark and be like 'what are you doing?' and I'm sick at it. Just because I'm clever doesn't mean I never make mistakes. I can't spell to save my life and if she doesn't tell me what words I'm supposed to learn, how on earth am I supposed to do it? Grr. Going to do some more writing now.

Hi.

Got a headache. Done my chemistry homework. May or may not go to housegroup tonight. Probably. Must print off my leaflet thing for John. Hmm. Don't know what else to write. I'll buzz off and do some more work on my story. Happy Endings it's called, but the ending is pretty much anything but. I guess for Shadow it is kind of a happy ending, and the same for Major Cat and Sophia and the cops and Robert, but it's really sad too.

London next Monday, can't wait!

Yay. Day off school to go to London to a conference about Islam and Christianity and the law. Can't wait! And, Mrs Pitmen asked me and Jenny if we want to go on a trip to a conference for AS students (we're only GCSE at the moment) in Manchester on Lenin cos she thinks it'll be beneficial. Want to go.
Need to do French and Maths homework soon. Humph. Can't leave it till after tea either, cos I've got a clarinet lesson. Oh well. Must go, things to do, people to see, and all the rest of it.

Stupid surprise English test...

Mrs Farrell wasn't here today, so she kindly left us all a test to get on with. The dude sitting with us was wierd for a start, and for seconds he gave us an extra half hour to do it, so I wound up geting somewhat bored and writing twice as much as you're supposed to for the B1 description thing. It was about the January sales, and I think I did a pretty good piece.
Naomi had to go home really early today. There's flooding all over, cos it won't stop raining, and she lives on the other side of a bridge and the bridge was nearly completely flooded and it was still raining so her mum came and picked her up before she got stranded on the wrong side for her house.
We had an RE test too. Wasn't so bad, but I was a bit pushed for time. Textiles is pretty good now we're doing practical work, mines looking quite nice. I'll stick a picture up if I can work out how to do it. Oh yeh, sorry about the Brisingr picture, it wouldn't work for me, so I gave up.

Sorry, spelt it wrong.

Yeh, the new Eragon book. It's Brisingr, not Bsingr. I was confused. The cover's on the side.

Unh... Last night...

Yeh well. I went to this celebration praise evening last night, half for the hotpot, half because I thought it'd be a bit like Devoted (tonight, absolutely fantastic, lively, loud, fun), but it wasn't. I said to my mum on the way in "Where is it actually?" And she said: "Think it's at (can't remember what the church was called). Didn't actually check. We might walk in on a bereavement counselling session or an alcoholis anonimous meeting." We laughed, but it felt just like an alcoholic's anononimous meeting (not that I've been to one), with everyone giving their life stories and going 'oh, I can't tell you how much God has helped me through this awful time, and I just want to encourage you.' Ok, fair enough, testimony has its place and can be ok, but that was just pathetic, and the whole thing was boring, though not quite as bad as a C of E service. We didn't eat until after, so I had nothing until just after 9, which is really bad when I normally eat about half five, especially since I get used to eating about half one in the afternoon on school days and we ate at twelveish. Humph.
Well, the hotpot was very nice, I have to say. My dad reckons we're spoiled at Fresh Manna because it's such a great church, but there must be other churches like it out there, there must be. Nice, lively, family-feeling churches with about a hundred or so people who come, so fairly big, but not too big, small enough to feel like a family, big enough that you don't get bored of the same people all the time. It was pretty lively this morning, we were doing all the happy clappy songs and dancing and stuff. Twas good.
Naomi's coming soon, so we'll do some English revision and go on the trampoline if it dries out a bit, and then we're going to Devoted, which'll be good because I don't really know anyone there and she doesn't really have a church at the moment. So there you go, that's my life. Pretty much anyhow.

Eragon Book Three (Inheritance Cycle)

Yup. I know what it's called, I know what it's called. It's called: Bsingr, which means fire and is taken from the ancient language. It's the first word from the language that Eragon ever hears and the word through which he first uses magic. Apparently the meaning also has significance to the story. Glaedr, the golden dragon who's crippled that Eragon meets when he goest to the elves, is featured on the cover, as opposed to the green dragon (third one to hatch). I reckon the new Rider will be either Nasuada or Katrina.

Well, I'm ok as regards the whole computer thing.

Yup. Apparently, my brother and I are to be allowed up to eight hours on the computer per week, and as I averaged out at under an hour a day, I'm ok.

Boringest day in the world

I hate Fridays. I know that sounds absurd, but it's true. For a start, I have choir, which now we've got Mr Tarney is nowhere near as good as it used to be. Then, English, which I spent reading Paddy Clarke Ha, Ha, Ha, which is just about the worst book ever. History, we were doing coursework in the computer room and I just could not concentrate at all. It was awful. Then I have prefect duty, which basically involves standing in a freezing cold corridor and watching the sixth form prefects do everything, sometimes including carrying out miscreants and dumping them outside. Physics is the most boringest lesson in the world, and I don't get electricity and that at all, which is really bad, so I'll have to get my dad to explain it to me cos he's an electrical engineer, so he should know what it's all about. At dinner, I had to go to a Duke of Edinburgh meeting, which was utterly pointless, because despite me asking and him saying it was for me as well and the English trip group (basically we're doing our final later than everyone else because we went on a trip to London on the day everyone else did their practice expedition), it really wasn't. We were there for half an hour, and the only information I got out of him was that we were to keep watching the noticeboard for more announcements, which we're doing anyway. Grr. Then French, which is nearly as bad as Physics, then finally got to come home. Hallellujah!
Oh yeh, there was a newspaper meeting this morning as well, and I've volunteered myself to do a story on choir, which could be interesting. I'll try not to be too negative about Mr Tarney, even if he is a prat, because he probably wouldn't appreciate that too much, and he's already mad at me in a way about missing wind band. That is, if he actually even knows what my name is.