Tuesday, 26 February 2008

Update on mum

She went into surgery today to have a hysterectomy and she's just come out. Everything's gone ok apparently, that's what my dad said anyway. She's in the recovery room now. I'm glad that bit's over with, but I know this is only the beginning really. She's going to be out of action for a while.
Granddad Derek and Anne are with us. I need to play my clarinet soon. It's kind of weird without mum being here to yell up at me to practise or else.

Sunday, 24 February 2008

No trip to town tomorrow

Nobody else can go, only me and maybe Naomi, I don't know, so our excursion into Preston has been cancelled. Never mind. My parents were a bit iffy about it anyway, what with it being the day before mum goes in, so I think we're going into Wigan instead. Should be good.

Well now I know my parents are keeping stuff from me.

My mum basically told me to go away so she could talk to Alison, which was a little annoying, but it does prove I wasn't being paranoid. Anyway, I was a bit frustrated, but oh well. I suppose maybe it was something about Alison that she doesn't want me to know about.
Everyone was asking how I feel about my mum going in on Tuesday, but I don't really know. It's like, I'm not really worried, it's just something that's going to happen, a bit like going to the dentist. I'm a bit nervous, but I know God's got it in control. It's more after that I'm worried about, because she'll be in for about a week, maybe a week and a half, and so my dad'll be in sole command of the house. If things so far are anything to go by, when he's mainly doing stuff but with a bit of my mum's supervision, it could get very interesting. And I probably need to stay after school every day next week to get my textiles done. Well, we'll see.

Baby Annabell's so cute!

There's a baby at my church, who's about three weeks old I think, called Annabell Elise, and she's absolutely gorgeous, about the size of a doll, and I held her after the service and she's so sweet. I just wanted to steal her, although I have to admit to being afraid I might break her.

Saturday, 23 February 2008

Outpouring of thoughts

Yeh, this is just me getting it all out.
I think my parents are keeping some stuff from me. I heard them talking on the phone to someone about Paul getting a lot of pictures for mum and dad, and they said they were doing a bit of a fast on Thursday, when we were at Blue Planet, but I didn't realise, and it kind of annoys me because I'm 15 now, in a few months I'll be old enough to leave home, and yet they're not telling me stuff that they tell other people. I want to get more involved with church and stuff and get closer to God, but I don't really know how. I know they say pray and spend time with him, but how does that work? It just... I don't get it, and that kind of bugs me. I wish they'd asked me to join in their fast, but they didn't, so I guess that's that. I know my Nana isn't well, and I don't think Aunty Gladys (she's my great-step-grandma, but it's easier to call her Aunty Gladys) is al that well either. She's just come out of hospital again, and I hear stuff about them being going to perhaps put her in a home. I'm not sure how much of this I'm supposed to know, but I want to know it all. I have an over-active imagination, like my English teacher said. If I know the facts, then I can't imagine stuff because I know. Never mind. They're not going to tell me everything, I know that, and I reckon James knows even less, part because he doesn't really listen when they're on the phone, part because I think they tell him less. I don't eavesdrop or anything, it's just I'm there in the room and I happen to hear stuff. They went in another room the other day, so that they could talk without me and James overhearing/interrupting, and I'm not sure which they were more concerned about. Oh well. That's the end of my rant, because I'm going into town in a little while, walking, with James and popcorn, which could be interesting, because he talks sooo much. Bye. Hopefully my friend'll text me soon so I know what time we're meeting up on Monday. It could be interesting if I don't know.

The Water Horse

I went out with Hil last night, from my church. It was great. We had pizza first at Pizza Hut which is near us, and stuffed ourselves with one of their meal deal things. Two starters (garlic bread and potato wedges), followed by a medium pizza (Hawaiian--ham and pineapple), followed by desert (ice cream machine). And then we went to see The Water Horse in Vue, which was amazing, way better than I thought it would be. It was set in the Second World War, about this lonely boy who's lost his father in the war and who finds the egg of a Water Horse, which is basically the Loch Ness Monster. A bunch of soldiers get billeted with him and his mum and sister, and he becomes good friends with a handyman who was a kind of hero but who the lead soldier suspected of being a deserter or a spy. It was very funny at times, and also quite sweet and kind of serious too in parts. Worth watching I reckon.

Blue Planet

Went to Blue Planet on Thursday. It was ok I guess, but I'm getting a bit old. The fish were pretty cool, especially the ones with neon stripes, but it was a bit childish in the facts they gave you and the exhibits. Did get to stroke a ray though, which I've done before, but is still pretty fun. They're my favourite type of fish I guess. They're awesome. The other thing that annoyed me was the way they treated evolution like fact and not a theory. Sure I think it does happen a bit, in a limited kind of way, but people coming from monkeys, that's just absurd. If you look, the original always disappears, because it becomes something else. I could rant about this for ages. Think I might. It's my blog after all, I can spend hours ranting about how stupid the theory of evolution is as an explanation for life being as it is today. For a start, half of this 'evidence' they have is a reconstruction from a jawbone or something like that. And then there's this 'oh everything looks similar, it's all from the same creature originally', which is absurd, because it could just as easily be proof of common design. And then that experiment where they created amino acids, the building blocks of life, by putting lightning through an 'atmosphere'. Well for a start, the atmosphere was nothing like what it was thought to be like at the time, and for seconds they did a lot of modifications, proving intelligent life (the scientist) was necessary to get conditions just right for life. And for seconds, even if you have amino acids, you're still a heck of a long way from actual life.
Rant on evolution over.
After we were all a bit fished out, we went to Cheshire Oaks, which was kind of boring, especially because WHSmiths was closed, and that's basically the only shop there that I like. And then we went to see my Nana and Granddad Jim, and it was really weird in a way, because Nana's lost a load of weight, and my mum's like 'we don't know how long she'll have left, because she's got alzeimers and it's getting quite bad, but she wasn't having too bad a day when we were there, she made sense most of the time and wasn't too overwrought. Don't know how well Granddad's coping though, he didn't look all that happy really.

Southport. One of my favourite places.

We went to Southport on Tuesday, which was pretty good, only mum was feeling a bit tired so she and dad went and sat in a cafe and left me and James to go round the shops together. Kind of fun, but it's better when you're parents are with you. We went to the nice Chinese place for lunch, which was good, and really filling, and then mum was really tired, so we went in the bookshop and dad went to pick up the car and bring it round. Got a book, and now I've found another author I really like, Clive Cussler. It's insane, I keep finding new authors all the time, and my dad reckons my room'll end up sinking part of the house because of all the books in it. Turns out Clive Cussler has written a heck of a lot, which means two things. One, I'll have plenty to read for the next few weeks, and two, I'll probably be needing another new bookcase soon. Trouble is, I have absolutely no idea where it can go. Actually, I can see a spot for a small one, by my desk, and then it'll be on to stack them up over the other books on the shelves, and maybe piles on the floor too.

Preston--How to get lost in your home town!

Yeh. I went into Preston on monday. Walked in, and on the side of the road I was on, there were hardly any pedestrian lights at the traffic lights, and the junction by Holiday Inn is pretty complex, and it was a little interesting, trying to get across without any idea of whether or not cars would be coming my way. I had an experience with a double decker bus, which thankfully didn't come too close, but it was interesting. Preston Council needs to do some proper pedestrian lights, just red and green men, nothing too hard, if they want people to walk rather than drive. I did the stuff I wanted to do in town, and then I was meeting my dad at his workplace and he was going to drive me home. Trouble is, I've never walked to his office before, and I took a wrong turning at the roundabout in front of the university, walked past BT, this was after looking down the other road because I wasn't sure which it was but I thought you could see the sign from the roundabout, but it turns out you can only really see it if you're in a car. Anyway, I texted him to ask if I was supposed to walk past BT. He said no and came and picked me up.
There's a heck of a lot of big 4x4s in Preston, which is what my dad drives now. You only realise that when you're looking for one in particular and you really have absolutely no idea where you are. If I'd gone a bit further along there, I'd have wound up at church, and then I might have been able to find Goss, but it's doubtful.

Saturday, 16 February 2008

Trafford Centre

Went to the Trafford Centre today after getting rid of my brother. He went to a friends house and to see a movie. It was ok, but mum got really tired, so we only went in about six or seven shops, and I didn't get what I went for. I did, however, get a 209 piece helicopter model. Feel like finishing off my other model now. Shall finish this first though. Also got the new Cherub book, which I hadn't realised was out, Sleepwalker. It's amazing so far, but then, all the Cherub books are.

Friday, 15 February 2008

Yay! Half Term. And I got attacked by Mrs P.

Yay! I'm happy. No school for a week and a day. Hallelujah! Probably going to meet up with friends on Monday, which is an inset day, and I'm going out with Hil at some point too.
Mrs P grabbed me at the end of the lesson and started wittering to me. Mainly because I got full marks in one piece of coursework, but didn't do so well on the other, so she was telling me how to improve it and taht. Most of it, I admit freely, went in one ear and out the other. THis is the coursework that seh said she wouldn't give back, that she lost part of, and which she's had since the end of last school year. Makes Mrs Farrell's turnaround time look like the speed of light.

Strange dream involving nuclear bomb.

Yeh. I dreamed there was a nuclear bomb in my bathroom, and I was kind of attached to it, and it was going to get moved and blow up a load of people, but I unattached myself so that it would blow up in my house and not kill loads of people. It was weird.

Thursday, 14 February 2008

Golf and the counsellor woman.

Well I went to go see this counsellor woman at break, but there was someone in the whole time, so I just stood outside the room like a prune. Never mind.
Golf was good though. Walloping golf balls into a field and not even having to pick them up afterwards is pretty awesome, have to admit.

Valentine's Day

I hate Valentine's day. I never get anything, and it's just stupid. It's my parents wedding anniversery tomorrow. I admit it, there is a boy who I would absolutely love to get a valentine off, but it's never going to hapen, because he's not really at all romantic. Anyway, no point worrying about it.

Wednesday, 13 February 2008

Reports, RE revision, work to do, French Control

Got my report today. Pretty good one really. Could've gone home way early, but decided to stay on for the RE revision class. It was ok I guess, but I didn't really know anyone and it felt a little weird. We got sweets though. Don't think I'll go again, too many other commitments and all of that. I'll be at band tomorrow night though, which could be interesting seeing as most of my reeds are way to hard and I'll have to explain to Mr Keady that my mum won't be coming in after all and she won't be coming in ever probably, because my mum has cancer and she's going in for an operation on the Tuesday we come back from half term.
The French control piece went ok. Took me about 20 minutes to write up, and she gave us over an hour to do it, so I finished all of my conversation questions, and then read for a while. She came over to me when I started doodling and asked if I could please get on with my conversation questions so I told her I'd done them. I think she was having one of those 'pick your battles' sort of moments. As in, I want her to do work, but I don't really want her to get way ahead and she doesn't look like she's in such a good mood, so I'll just leave her alone. I was glad about that.
Need to go finish Assignment 7 for my distance learning course. It's kind of hard, and getting harder, and my initial enthusiasm has faded somewhat, but you know what? I'll keep slogging it out, get it out of the way and done, a nice little qualification tucked away, and then I'll concentrate on my GCSE's. I'm a little behind with my writing too, but that's ok because I'm at home for at least two of the days during half term and I'll be able to get plenty done I'm sure.

Monday, 11 February 2008

7th Heaven

Got it from the library on Saturday, made a trip into town especially to get it. Apparently, James Patterson is now the most borrowed author from English libraries, taking over from Jacqueline Wilson, which is hardly surprising because his books are miles better. Anyway, it had the randomest ending ever. I was just like 'What?'. I reckon he was trying to do an Alaistar MacLean and have a twist in the last sentence/paragraph which totally turns the whole story on his head, but personally, I reckon the story was more complete without. Have to admit, I do like the way the good guys don't always win. Makes things more interesting, especially wehn you know he isn't afraid to kill off a main character or two. I miss Jill, she was one of his best characters, but Yuki, her replacement, is pretty great too. I shall go do more writing. Bye.

Sunday, 10 February 2008


Yeh, forgot to say. Yesterday was pretty great too. I went into town in the morning to pick up a book from the library that I'd reserved--7th Heaven by James Patterson and I can't wait to read it. My cousins Esther and Daniel came round in the afternoon and took James and I bowling. James' technique is insane, he runs up, leaps in the air flicking his leg out to one side and kind of throws the ball down the lane. He got two strikes in a row though, so something about his technique must work. I only managed one in both the games that we played, although I did get a couple of spares. It gave me inspiration for one of my stories though, trying to imagine Nutmeg going bowling. Now that would be interesting.
Must get on with learning this French.
Au revoir.

Feeling kind of happy and learning French.

We were singing a song in church this morning that goes 'Blessings all mine with 10000 besides' and that got me thinking about how lucky I am really. I know maybe stuff isn't going so good in my life at the moment, but I have two parents who care about me and get on well with each other. I have a little brother who is mostly ok, I have loads of friends, both at church and at school and on the internet too. Plus I have a computer in my bedroom, an iPod, a mobile, loads of pens, teddy bears, a radio, cds, loads of books, decent brains, all sorts of good stuff that'd take me way too long to list here. I've lived in America and now I live in England, where I was born. Suddenly it doesn't really seem to matter so much that my parents aren't well, that Aunty Gladys is back in hospital and that my Nana isn't that well either. Sure there're hard times coming up wiht my exams and mum's operation and coursework to get done, but I'll get through it, because If my God is for me, who can be against me?
I'm working on memorising my French coursework control at the moment, need to know it all by Wednesday, which should be doable just about. Side and a half of A4, but I'll manage. I have a good brain I guess, even if I do sometimes struggle to memorise things. Having said that, I managed pretty well with the Nativity last year wehn I had way more than just a side and a half to learn.

Friday, 8 February 2008

Stupid boat company

Well, we were going to go away in the boat after all, but then my dad got a call yesterday and they said that the boat company has gone bankcrupt and so we can't go away in the boat after all. I was really looking forward to it, cos I want to live in a boat when I'm older. We might be going away in the caravan to the nice site at Bridge North instead, it's a pretty awsome place. There're peacocks wandering around all over the place and there's a lounge where my mum can sit if she isn't feeling that well, and then there's a lake and a nice walk round it. Bridge North, the town it's near, is really pretty too. There're two parts to the town, seperated by a cliff with a railway thing that goes up the side and connects them together.
I've got stomach ache and my mouth is hurting and I'm in the school library with the prospect of double French looming up on me. Oh well. I've survived before, I can survive again.
Mrs Flemming came and talked to me outside Physics to say that she'll put me in the same desk for all of my exams, near the back in case I need to go out and I'll perahsp be able to have a break if I need it during the exam and still get the full time writing. I'll try not to use it, because then it'll feel kind of like I'm cheating, but it'll be nice to have the extra security that I'll always go in and know exactly where I'm sitting and I won't be at the front with loads and loads of people behind me, watching.
I'm babysitting tonight which'll be good I guess. I've written part of a story to read to Molly and Joe, but it's not quite finished yet. I'll try and get some of my Distance Learning course done too. I'm not sure whether I'll carry on after this module, it's kind of hard work and stuff, but I guess during the summer when I won't have ought else to do I'll be able to get plenty done. Think I only have about two assignments left to do, or maybe just one even.
I'm really tired, but I don't sleep well at all. Gradually getting better though. Managed to only wake up once last night, round about four 'o' clock. Took a while to get back to sleep, but that's just because of the stupid brace causing me pain. Oh well. Can't be bothered writing any more, I'm all rambled out. See ya.

Wednesday, 6 February 2008

Good News

We got the results from the MRI scan on Tuesday, and though my mum has cancer it's treatable and it hasn't spread. She's going in for an operation on the 24th, so we might even still get to go away on the boat.
House groups on now and I was going to go, but I'm not sleeping well at all and my mouth's really painful because I've just had a bottom brace fitted yesterday to go with the other one I've had for ages. Still, the top one doesn't hurt at all, probably because all my attentions on the bottom one. Oh well.
Made pancakes yesterday, which was interesting, and bread in the bread machine, which was even more interesting--one of the cup measurers lost its handle when I tried to get the flower out.
Mum's still not too good, she's a bit weak and wobbly, which is unnerving, but I guess I'll get used to it. I'm babysitting next door on Friday which'll mean I get some stuff done. I would do it now, but I don't feel in a fit state. Just better check I've no homework... Oops, there's English left for tomorrow. I shall have to take a look at Wikipedia.
The service in the Cathedral today was so boring. I got ashed, but that was about the only semi-exciting thing about it.
Going to go do English homework and more work on my novel thing about a massive airplane which is starting to look incredibly complex. And maybe I'll do some writing on my 'proper' fantasy and on Happy Endings. I shall see.

Monday, 4 February 2008

Well tea was... interesting.

James cooked today in food tech, and it didn't turn out so well, so cos mum was feeling dizzy I wound up making noodles and stir fry as extra, and the baby sweetcorn had kind of gone off and I don't think I rinsed everything well enough. Now I feel slightly ill.
I kind of got abandoned at dinner which was a bit bad because that was sort of when I most needed people around me, to take my mind off stuff and keep an eye out for teachers while I checked the text from my dad to see about my mum.
Anyway, she's got cancer, but it's treatable, so she'll just be a bit out of it and incapacitated for a few months, which considering tonight's culinary efforts could prove interesting. I've suggested we live off Yorkshire puddings for a while, but my dad didn't think it such a good idea. Anyway, that's my life at the moment. Abandoned at dinner by everyone, cos I sat at a table with my packed lunch to wait for all the others in the middle of just about the biggest empty space and they all went and sat somewhere else. It was where we normally sit as well. I sometimes wonder if they're avoiding me and kind of want me to just go away. Ate my dinner, went in the library, posted on here, then sat with Bryony and co for a while which always cheers me up, even if all they ever seem to talk about at the moment is sex. At least it made me laugh and took my mind off stuff. That's what I need at the moment I guess, something to take my mind off it all.

Really bad news.

School library really isn't the best of places to write this, but it's pretty early on in dinner and it's fairly quiet. Well, as quiet as the computer area can ever be.
I've just got a text from my dad. They've got the results of the MRI scan and it's really bad, my mum's got cancer and they'll be operating ASAP. I can't believe it, it's impossible to get my head round it. I feel like I'm going to cry, but I really don't want to, I'm scared. She's only 49, not old enough to have cancer really, and it's really bad. There're teachers near and I don't want them reading over my shoulder, so I'll post later.

Sunday, 3 February 2008

Stupid English Coursework

This is hard. And boring. And pointless. Why do I have to analyse the Merchant of Venice? Why do we have to do a play? Couldn't we do a movie? And my idea was so much better than this, I wanted to look at how it could be adapted into a book form, because it is a pretty good story in all honesty. Unhh. Stupid English Coursework. Should be banned. Actually no, we should just have to do creative writing, and it should go off the quality of what you've written and the quality of your ideas as opposed to the stupid assessment of language. Humph. I hate English Coursework.
Church was good this morning though. Everyone prayed for my mum near enough, and the music was good. I feel kind of happier about it all now. Still a little apprehensive, because we find out tomorrow exactly what's what, but securer, safer.
Just going to post up a bit of a song that spoke ot me this morning:

Hide me now,
Under your wings,
Cover me, within your mighty hands

And when the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with you above the storm,
Father you are king over the flood,
I will be still and know you are God.

I just had this image of a big eagle, massive, huge eagle coming and sitting beside me and wrapping me up safe and warm in its wing, and then when the chorus (And when the oceans rise...) came up, I just imagined soaring on the back of that eagle, burying my hands in its warm feathers, being carried carefully through the storm, completely safe and secure and warm.

Friday, 1 February 2008

I am not an answer book.

Hello. I am not an answer book. I'm a human being. I don't particularly like being ignored all the way through double physics except when people either want answers or want to know what I'm sewing (had finished all the work before I started sewing though). Last thing I want round about now is being completely ignored bar for answers.
And then French. Mrs Asjlouny (or however you're supposed to spell her name) was in a bad mood and moved loads of people around which made loads of people in a bad mood and it's boring too and I hate sitting on my own and having no one to talk to and all that, it does my head in. And then at the end of the lesson I went to her to find out how to say forum in French for my coursework and she told me to use a dictionary and I told her I had and it didn't have it in so she told me to use a big dictionary and I tried that and it didn't have it in the right context and I couldn't be bothered asking her again because she'd been so unhelpful, after specifically telling us that she was willing to help us if we got stuck. Oh well. I shall try using the internet in a bit when I can be bothered, but when teachers can't be bothered it makes it hard for me to see why I should bother putting all that much effort in.
Take Mrs Farrell for example. She's not a bad teacher really, but seh doesn't mark stuff. Today, I got back a piece of coursework she's had for three months. She put at the end 'this could be an interesting article in a high brow magazine, but it is not a GCSE English lit essay about the Merchant of Venice and that she needs to be able to 'tick the boxes'. Now I've forgotten half the stuff we did on the play and the official deadline is Friday for all English coursework. She's given our class a week extension because she was off for ages. No mention of the fact that I've been wanting this piece of coursework back for ages--would've been best if I could've had it over Christmas when I actually had time, whereas now I have very little, especially with having to do loads more around the house what with my mum being incapacitated pretty much.